Teamsiliconvalley - Sports Blog

The Super Bowl is a wonderful time to sit your fat ass down on the sofa, unbuckle your belt, eat an unhealthy amount of unhealthy food and feel your ass grow.

I’m not big on the sport, but I certainly am a fan of the eating. So I thought I’d recommend some amazing food to eat while watching the big game.

Pizza

It’s just not pigging out without some ‘za, right? Stay away from the chain pizza restaurants. Find a local place that has an Italian name that’s an independent restaurant. Again, no chain pizza parlours. No Dominos, no Little Caesars, no Pizza Hut, no Papa Johns. Got it? Good. Now, here’s what you put on the pizza. Starting from the crust (preferably whole wheat crust if available): mozzarella, tomato sauce (ask for “easy on the sauce”), ground beef, (spicy) grilled chicken and bacon. This is the Super Bowl, no going for cheap with peperoni. If you want some veggies on your pie, peppers, maybe mushrooms. Remember, football is a man’s game, therefore it requires a man’s meal. What do men eat? Men eat meat. Men, eat, meat. See how that works.

Salad

No fucking salad. The only green you see should be the football field on your television.

Beer

Because it’s the Super Bowl and the broadcast is going to be overpowered by commercials for Bud and Bud Light, drink either of those beers. Every year, they make the funniest beer commercials for the Super Bowl, so let’s reward them for a job well done by purchasing their product. Yeah, I know, Heinekin makes a much better brew, but for the Super Bowl give Bud some props.

Potato Chips

Pringles or any other stackable pressed-potato potato chip. The uniformity of the chip allows for optimum and consistent dipping capabilities as well as a minimum of wasted chip content in the form of unedible chip crumbs at the bottom of the bowl.

Non-alcoholic Beverages

The Super Bowl is the best time to drink beverages that are both carbonated and caffeinated. The dullness of the game will require a pick-me-up that is provided by the caffeine. The carbonation will provide entertainment for you and your guests by allowing all who drink to burp loudly and often. Stay clear of the diet or lite brands. The artificial sweeteners will give you that nasty metallic aftertaste.

Fruits

Who the hell eats fruit anymore?

Team-specific Foods

With New Orleans in the Super Bowl this year, offer your palette some cajun foods. Two words: frog legs. For the Colts, corn dogs.

Now that you know what to eat, enjoy yourself, enjoy the Super Bowl, enjoy the commercials and have a super weekend.